Dear Mr. Silver Age,
I really enjoyed seeing your Disqualified Mopee Award winners in CBG #1661! What a bunch of losers! They weren’t even good enough to qualify for being dopey! Are there any more of those goofy comics that deserve awards?
Tod H.
Vietnam
Mr. Silver Age says: Sad to say, Tod, the Silver Age landscape is littered with comics like those that won Disqualified Mopees last year. Plenty of publishers, on realizing the enormous popularity of super-heroes — especially “camp” super-heroes in the mid- to late-1960s — jumped on the bandwagon with both feet. Typically, both feet went right through the floorboards and broke their toes. Creating popular super-heroes, much to the publishers’ surprise, wasn’t as easy as it looked.
We won’t be returning to the bottom of that barrel this year. It would be too much of a cheap laugh, and we’re bigger than that here at Ask Mr. Silver Age. But we’re not much bigger, because it’s tough passing up a cheap laugh. So this year’s Mopee Awards will return to spotlighting DC and Marvel comics, but with a twist.
As you know, these annual dishonors are named for the magical twerp who claimed he gave Barry Allen his super-powers in Flash #167 (Feb 67). We fans instantly forgot we’d read that issue and we’d probably do the same with all Mopee winners, if it weren’t so much fun to wallow in the sheer, unadulterated goofiness of what they tried to pass off on us kids back then. What were they thinking? And what were we thinking, enjoying them so darn much? Some questions have no answers.
The Mopee Awards honor a time and a story style that will not pass this way again. They typically go to top-of-the-line Marvel and DC super-hero comics at the core of the Silver Age (1956-1970), to show that even the best have their lapses. After veering from that form last year to present awards to titles from other publishers, this year’s go to Marvel and DC comics that hadn’t quite met our usual exacting standards but can’t be ignored any longer. They show that the wonderful world of wacky weirdness encompasses even more ground than is dreamt of in Mopee’s philosophy.
1. The “Got a Sec, Fury? We’ve Got a Quick Mission for You!” Award to “Mission: Capture Adolf Hitler!” in Sgt. Fury #9 (Aug 64). War comics don’t usually win these dishonorable honors, but, after the anthropomorphic antics of Sgt. Rock’s guns in “The Fighting Guns of Easy” in Our Army at War #145 (Sep 64) provided backup for a Mopee Award in CBG #1649, I decided it was time to tip my helmet to Marvel’s super-heroic Sarge. Many of his stories were darned implausible, but this was my favorite.
The Howlers’ mission was simple: 1. Parachute into Berlin. 2. Capture Hitler. 3. Return him to England. Any questions? “The staff chiefs figger capturin’ Hitler is the fastest way to end the war!” Fury explained. Does anyone see a faster way, once the Howlers are standing next to Hitler with a gun? No? Then let’s go!
Of course, Nick Fury, the dapper Nazi in the middle, had little trouble completing “Mission: Capture Hitler!” in Sgt. Fury #9.
To make a long story short, the team infiltrated a rally where Hitler was speaking. The Howlers were caught, but Fury managed to capture Baron Strucker (a long-time foe) and used him to sidle up to Adolf. Then Fury abducted The Fuhrer and Strucker, stopping off long enough to save The Howlers from a firing squad. Is it any wonder we won the war?
The Sarge would’ve had an easier time capturing Hitler in Sgt. Fury #9 but he stopped off to rescue The Howlers from a firing squad.
The best part: They, um, accomplished their mission! Oh, yes, they did! Strucker escaped during the mad dash for the secret airplane, but The Howlers returned, without a scratch, with their captive! I won’t reveal why that didn’t end the war, but among the honors Fury was stowing in his footlocker by war’s end was this tarnished Medal of Mopee!
2. The “Those Lips! Those Eyes! That Whip! I’m in Love!” Award to “The Secrets of Superman’s Fortress!” in Action Comics #395 (Dec 70). This tale arrived just slightly after the Silver Age ended (carbon-dated to September 1970; you can look it up), so I didn’t feel right giving it a Mopee for Silver Age silliness. But it so deserves one.
Its Mopeeness began with the title and the story’s opening. Four pages detailed how Superman had created his Fortress (including a two-page room diagram), with cameo visits by Jimmy and Lois. That elaborate intro led readers to a spotlighted cloak in a locked room, which represented a tale Superman vowed never to reveal. He then put in a memory tape to relive it.
Action Comics #395 opened with four pages on Superman’s Fortress to no apparent benefit before revealing his past lust for an alien Amazon slave-hunter.
It began with Supes aiding a primitive alien tribe being enslaved by space-Amazons to work in their mines. Big Blue eavesdropped on the leader, who complained that she was a warrior, not a slave hunter. “Althera … their leader!” Superman deduced. “A beautiful goddess and incredibly strong … yet her voice is melodious … like a bell, even when she commands!” Say what?
The Man of Steel’s odd fascination with this Amazonian commander was reciprocated after he saved more tribespeople. One of Althera’s minions warned her that showing admiration for a male was forbidden, but she brushed her off.
While spying on Althera (for intelligence-gathering purposes, no doubt), Supes saw her sneak off to create a statue of him, which she then destroyed with her bare hands. “Even in anger, she’s magnificent!” he swooned. “She likes me, yet hates herself for it! I don’t know why, but I go for her, too! There’s something utterly fascinating about that Amazon beauty! Maybe I should tell her how I feel!” No way, Blue! First you have to have your BFF ask her sergeant if Althera just likes you or if she like-likes you. There’s protocol!
Superman spied on the Amazon slave-hunter who hated to love him and loved to hate him in Action #395.
Before he could pass any mash notes to his Amazonian-slaver sweetie, he saved her life from a tribal ambush. She expressed her gratitude and announced she would take him as her mate. “How can I resist you?” he replied. “After all these years, I’ve found the one woman fit for a Superman!” And they smooched.
Sadly, as they canoodled, her helmet fell off, revealing her hair was actually plumes. Like on a bird! She was undeterred, but Superman corrected her misperception that he could fly because he likewise had bird ancestors, explaining that he could fly, um, well, because he could. And, since they were different species, they couldn’t mate. So Supes took her cape and one of her plumes and set up a permanent Fortress exhibit to honor the Amazonian slaver who nearly became Mrs. Superman.
You also might want to set up a room for your tarnished Mopee Award, Supes, for a truly bizarre and implausible super-love story, which apparently came in four pages short and needed opening filler. And don’t tell Lois why you earned it, because she’s got this wacky notion that she can mate with a Kryptonian!
3. The “Special Award for Star-Spangled Prufreeding!” Award to “The Final Sleep!” in Tales of Suspense #74 (Feb 66), “30 Minutes to Live!” in ToS #75 (Mar 66) and “Before My Eyes, Nick Fury Died!” in ToS #92 (Aug 67).
We recognize that Stan’s memory is not the best, and juggling so many comics at such speed in the Silver Age’s early days can’t have been easy. Legendary typos included Spidey being called “Peter Palmer” in Amazing Spider-Man #1, Dr. Octopus calling the wall-crawler “Superman” in ASM #3, and Betty Ross being called “Betty Brant” (Jonah’s secretary) in Tales to Astonish #61-62. Fun as they are, such goofs aren’t really worthy of a Mopee Award.
But they were nothing compared to the major boo-boo in the Captain America half of ToS #74, which made the story a bit more exciting when fans returned next issue. Cap jumped onto the Red Skull’s final Sleeper as it flew off on its destructive mission, arranged for it to blow up, and then jumped off. He pulled the ripcord on his parachute, wafting to Earth, as he watched the Sleeper explode.
Tales of Suspense became more suspenseful, when the parachute Captain America used in #74 disappeared and he was plummeting to his death at the start of #75.
Providing Cap with a parachute didn’t create much of a cliff-hanger, so that was fixed, retroactively. When we next saw Cap on #75’s splash page, his parachute was gone, and he was plummeting to his death! “Must he pay for that monumental victory — with his life???” the caption asked. We didn’t think so last month!
That was embarrassing, but these things happen. It would be more embarrassing if it happened again. Fortunately, it didn’t. No, when it happened later, it happened from one page to the next!
Some pages of Tales of Suspense #92 were proofread for continuity between pages …
In ToS #92, Cap faced down AIM’s Mechano-Assassin. In page 9’s final panel, he prepared to inflict the coup de grace. “OK, Mister,” Captain America exclaimed. “I’m ready for you! So let’s wrap it up! Only one of us is gonna walk out of here — under his own steam …”
As the readers breathlessly turned to page 10, they saw Cap slug the villain with so much force it brought them both off their feet. Cap punctuated his blow with the victory cry, “And it won’t be me!” Yikes.
… but it wasn’t these!
“You!” Captain America should have said in the next panel, as he dragged the Mechano-Assassin’s butt out of there. “I meant, ‘It won’t be you!’ I don’t know what I was thinking there!” Neither do we, Cap, so Mechano-Assassin walks out of here today with a tarnished Mopee. Cap! I mean Cap leaves here with a tarnished Mopee!
4. The “Universal Web of Loneliness Snares Two More!” Award to “The Devil in Paradise!” in Justice League of America #84 (Nov 70) and “The Last Survivors of Earth!” in JLA #88 (Mar 71). As with the aforementioned Action #395, these comics arrived slightly after the Silver Age ended. That’s why they made the cut this year. Truly, it’d be a shame not to give these love-soaked adventures the honors they deserve.
Black Canary’s morose outlook on life found an outlet in an unlikely place in JLA #84, when lonely old Batman succumbed to her charms.
Black Canary was not handling the death of her husband and her shift from Earth-2 to Earth-1 as heroically as fans might have hoped. In JLA #83, she pondered committing suicide by programming the JLA satellite’s transporter to transport her atoms nowhere. Yikes. Her boyfriend, Green Arrow, used tough love to talk her out of that one.
In #84, she once again was pondering her existence when Batman arrived to replace her on monitor duty. BC asked to hang around, since her life was without meaning, and he admitted he’d enjoy her company. Canary was surprised, and The Caped Crusader explained that he was all alone in the world, pining for a secret love. That brought tears to BC’s eyes, leading Batman to comfort her. That resulted in the two of them locking lips. For an entire page. Finally, they broke it off and apologized for their lapse.
What an unexpected turn of events that, no doubt, would lead to the kind of emotional soap-opera subplots DC was aching to be known for! Want to know the best part? This was essentially a fill-in issue! Denny O’Neil wrapped up his run with the suicidal Canary in #83, and Mike Friedrich took over in #86 (with Denny acting as “script consultant”). That left one open issue (plus a reprint giant), which was scripted by Robert Kanigher. He used it to create a BC-Bats romance.
Batman’s plans for his new paramour crashed to earth in JLA #88, when Black Canary explained her true feelings for him.
The Crusader-Canary canoodling finally was addressed in JLA #88. As Batman flew GA and BC in the Bat-plane, he ruminated on their smooch and considered whether BC might be “the rare mate for a Batman.” But, when he began getting cozy with her, GA objected. BC told off GA and then confided to Bats that she appreciated his support, because she thought of him like a brother. Eek. “The seed of bitterness is planted in The Batman this day!” the caption informed us. “Who knows if it’ll die a quick death?”
So Alan Moore and Frank Miller weren’t responsible for the grim ’n’ gritty Batman, it was Black Canary’s fault! To honor that accomplishment, BC, here’s your tarnished Mopee Award. Nice job hitting on the least likely candidate of all and then dropping him like a bad habit. At least, you’ll always have those memories — and so will we, unless we can use our Mopee skills to forget all about them!
Known to fans worldwide as “Mr. Silver Age,” Craig Shutt has waxed nostalgic about comics of old in CBG since 1992. His latest book, Baby Boomer Comics, is now out of print but remains available at online bookstores, eBay, and flea markets internationally. Send comments and suggestions to craigshutt@ameritech.net.
“Ask Mr. Silver Age” is © 2010 Craig Shutt.
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